Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
