Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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