Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
