6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
