She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
