I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
