Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we made out on top of his cat.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
