Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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