so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
