i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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