Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
