that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Randomize
