It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
