is your mom at the bar?
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
