You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
