I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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