This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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