I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
