This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
oh god the rape fog is back!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
