If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
