i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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