my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
