my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
