Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
