There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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