Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
