ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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