Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have already put on my inside pants.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
