38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
