I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
