that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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