I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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