Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
