yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
