I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
