dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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