A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
