My first STD was from a foam party
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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