I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
