I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
