Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
