I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
