Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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