I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
