He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My cat gives me a boner
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
