I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
