i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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