I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
