we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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