Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
