planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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