there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
