I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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