nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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