Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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